Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
