just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
