The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
