i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
