my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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