I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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