I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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