my being single is dangerous.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
