There was a lot of him and a little penis
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
