i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
