oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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