Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
