I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
