these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
accomplished twins. life is a go
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
