I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
