she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
