im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
