i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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