You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
