I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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