Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
