so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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