Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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