Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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