Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
