Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
