This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
