My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
