i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
