He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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