I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
