When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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