Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
