I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
