I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
