Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
