she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
