we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
