sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
