Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
