she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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