Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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