did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
