Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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