You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
