I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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