Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
