Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
