I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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