Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
