she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
