How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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