Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
