There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
